One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Reggie can tackle my bush.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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