some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
