So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
