i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
