theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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