I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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