Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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