Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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