I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
