'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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