There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
