I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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