Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
