I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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