Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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