I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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