By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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