then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
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