Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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