wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I skipped work to stalk him.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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