so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
