she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
