You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
