Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
