He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
