We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
