My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize