Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
