i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
