Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
