Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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