I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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