I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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