New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
