I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
