alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
