I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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