I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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