bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I came so hard my ears popped.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
