Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
God, you're like boner-b-gone
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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