Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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