I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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