I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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