Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
