Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
