ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
