Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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