My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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