I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
They have beer where we have blood.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
