can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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