I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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